How to Become an Inciter
Get people to do what you want (for the greater good, of course).
Imagine what it would be like to be an inciter—someone who could get others to do what they wanted simply by commanding it with their mind.
We see the heroine Wren do this in Silver Elite. Now, of course, I’m not talking about causing anyone physical or emotional harm—or impeding another’s free will (Wren, for the record, did struggle with that moral dilemma). But what if you could incite…
Your partner to be more affectionate
Your teenager to take their studies more seriously
Your parents to prioritize their health
Well, you actually do have that power. You just need to learn how to wield it—no black magic required. (Well… maybe a little.)
We can incite—or let’s say encourage—others through a play of energy, by painting a vision of what’s possible, and by behaving as if they’re already becoming the version we long to see.
What Usually Goes Wrong
Say you want your partner to be more loving or affectionate. These are the most common ways we try to inspire change:
A lot of time, aggravation, and resentment build up—until you finally blurt out, “You’re never affectionate anymore. I feel like we’re just roommates.”
This accusation immediately puts your partner on the defensive. The last thing they feel is affectionate—they’re too busy protecting their honor.
Or, you might try the “sweet” route:
“Honey, I need you to be more affectionate.”
But there’s often an incongruence underneath the words. It’s a demand cloaked in diplomacy. And while it sounds kind, your energy says otherwise. Our animal bodies pick up on that—fast.
Both strategies tend to backfire. The recipient feels off, boxed in, and unable to respond in the way you truly desire—with enthusiasm and an open heart.
But what if you did the opposite?
Instead of shutting down when you feel deprived of affection, you opened even more. He’s watching a YouTube video on the couch. You casually nestle in beside him, rest your head on his lap, pull his arm over your shoulder, and say, “I love cuddling with you.”
No defense. No correction. Just connection. You’ve made affection safe—and even better, successful. Now that he knows how to please you, he’ll want to do more of it.
When We Undermine the Very Thing We Want
Let’s take another example: You want your partner or adult child to be competent and self-sufficient. Reasonable, right?
However, you then create the exact conditions that make that impossible.
You continue to give them money because you want them to feel secure.
You excuse poor behavior because you don’t want them to feel judged.
You echo their narrative about how “hard” everything is—because you’re trying to be empathetic.
In reality, your actions say, “I don’t trust you to rise without me.”
This one hits close to home. I’ve fallen into this trap in romantic relationships, believing my partner could be successful and competent… if I just helped get their life in order. If I organized the chaos. Sparked their ideas. Encouraged the execution.
It. Never. Worked. Not. Once.
Please don’t do that.
The Pygmalion Effect
Here’s the thing: People will rise to the bar set for them—and often not higher. When we trust others to be at their best, they often become their best. If we believe they need our help, they’ll definitely depend on our help.
This isn’t just fantasy—it’s psychology. The Rosenthal study showed that when teachers were told a random group of students was “gifted,” those students ultimately outperformed their peers. Why? Because the teachers believed in them. They treated them as capable, intelligent, and full of potential, and the students rose to meet that image.
This is the Pygmalion Effect: our expectations shape others’ behavior.
So, rather than micromanage your loved one’s next career move, say, “I know you can figure this out, honey.”
That single sentence—said with belief and love—is a game-changer.
The Myth of Pygmalion
This point could be further illustrated through a story (most can). Pygmalion was a gifted sculptor and king of Cyprus who, disillusioned by the flaws he saw in mortal women, chose to remain unmarried, devoting himself to his art instead.
One day, he carved a statue of a woman so beautiful and perfect that he fell in love with her. He named her Galatea. He spoke to her, adorned her with gifts, dressed her in silks, and treated her as though she were real.
At the festival of Aphrodite, he prayed for a wife “like his ivory girl.” Aphrodite, moved by his devotion, brought the statue to life. The ivory softened under his touch, and Galatea became flesh. The two married and lived happily ever after.
The story reminds us that when we see someone through the lens of their potential, we help breathe life into it.
Psychologically, this means when we treat others as incapable, selfish, cold, or broken, they often meet that image. Not because it’s who they are, but because the energetic field we’ve created doesn’t allow them to be anything else.
In contrast, when we act from the belief that someone is already growing into their best self, we invite that energy forward — we create momentum.
This doesn’t mean tolerating poor behavior or ignoring red flags. It means shifting out of control, criticism, or rescuing, and stepping into vision, congruence, and love.
In our next Mythic Musings for paid subscribers, we’ll dive further into the myth of Pygmalion, discuss the Pygmalion Effect, and how to apply this phenomenon in our modern lives.
So, How Do You become an Inciter?
Here are three ways to begin:
1. Act as if they’re already doing what you want.
If your partner is affectionate, how would you act?
If your son is an organized, responsible student, how would you treat him?
Embody the energy of the outcome you desire. You’ll create an energetic field that'll generate momentum for others to evolve. People often align with the role they’re cast in.
2. Consider your motivations.
Why do you want them to change?
Will it help you feel safer, more loved, more successful?
How can you begin to source those feelings within yourself first? Then, you’re not dependent on their actions because you already have what you want; you loosen the reins, which allow them to expand.
3. Stay energetically congruent.
If you’re angry, be clean and honest about it.
If you’re hurt or needy, own it directly.
Nothing repels like incongruence. People don’t just hear your words—they feel your vibe. Make sure your frequency aligns with your message.
Will This Always Work?
Of course not. People have free will. They learn at their own pace, through their own path, and face their own karma.
But if they don’t rise, at least you’ll know it wasn’t because you didn’t believe in them. And that frees you to act in alignment with your own values, needs, and desires.
Because here’s the real magic:
When you treat someone like the version of themselves you believe they can become—
Sometimes, they actually do.
And if not?
You stop waiting and start living.
Tell me below: What are you looking to incite?
Join Mythic Musings for Paid Subscribers
Next week, we’ll go deeper into the myth of Pygmalion, the psychology of expectation, and how to use this power to elevate (not control) the people you love.
Become a paid subscriber to join the live Zoom gathering on Wednesday, June 25th, at 3 PM EST (yes, there will be a replay).