Don’t Suppress Your Shadow Parts; Amplify Them

How to invoke the gods and goddesses within

How to invoke the gods and goddesses within

Author’s ProCanva account.

“I feel forsaken and abandoned. All I want to do is paint white canvases black. Again, I am forced to walk through life alone,” I prepare to text my partner.

He’s been away over Thanksgiving to visit his family. And even though I just saw him a few days ago, I can’t help but feel like I’ve been long forgotten.

While my adult self knows that this is ridiculous, there is a part of me, we could say my inner child, or I prefer the wounded maiden, who needs reassurance, validation, and promises of everlasting love.

In the past, I would suppress this part of me. “Get over it, Lisa. He’s visiting his family. Go distract yourself with something.” I would push all of my insecurities deep inside and grit my teeth, anxiety bubbling forth as my feelings went unattended and unacknowledged.

Or sometimes, I would write a snarky text, “Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. Maybe this relationship just isn’t that important to you.” That one was a real intimacy builder!

This time, however, I wanted to give the wounded maiden her opportunity to shine. I decided to go all in with the drama. I considered my feelings of abandonment and added even more juice to it. I began to have fun with it.

I was no longer the panicky woman who couldn’t be away from her partner for a few days.

I am she who has been forsaken by her lover on Thanksgiving Day.

I send my screenplay-worthy text. Unlike the petty and accusatory texts I’ve sent in the past implying my partner did something wrong, which would cause both of us to feel bad, he gets a window into my soul — with a Scarlett O’Hara-like vibe. He quickly responds with a phone call telling me to “Breathe through it, honey. I’ll be home in a few days, and everything will return to normal. I miss you.”

I am at peace.

For most of my life, I have suppressed my uncomfortable feelings. I made a great effort to cultivate a facade of cool indifference, even though I was often anxious and uncertain. I thought the unflappable ice queen was a desirable persona. I came to find out that not only was this not desirable, but I completely lost touch with my feelings, regarded them as bad or wrong, and, as a result, lost touch with my creativity and magnetism.

It takes energy to suppress our “undesirable emotions.” Think about holding a ball underwater — it really wants to come to the surface, and eventually, you’ll tire of standing in the pool holding the ball down. The ball will bounce up with a force. Similarly, when we suppress our shadow parts, we tire. We lose the pulse of life these parts offer. As a result, we become dull, and our parts appear unpredictably with much greater force that can put our relationships, careers, and health in jeopardy.

However, when we animate our feelings, we add life to the situation. We’re not here to transcend human emotions; we want to transform them. When we allow them to express themselves, they lose their grasp on us, and we can get on with our lives.

This is particularly true for our shadow emotions. We often try to suppress or hide these emotions because they are not deemed “socially acceptable.” Some shadow emotions I’ve tried to hide are my fear of abandonment, vanity, the judgment of others (and myself), and inferiority — to name a few!

However, we know that about 95% of our behaviors are driven by our unconscious. As Carl Jung, the famed Swiss psychoanalyst, has said:

“Until we make the unconscious conscious, we will be ruled by it and call it fate.”

So, rather than push these feelings aside and keep creating the same situations repeatedly, we can amplify them. Instead of giving our shadow parts the role of creepy background extras, we make them the main characters. And really, that’s all they want.

I know what you might think: “Won’t people think I’m crazy if I do that?”

I suspect if you add a bit of theater and drama to it, they’ll quite enjoy it! It's much better than the passive-aggressive behavior, snarky texts, or sidelong glances that result in emotions not being honored, right?

And, of course, use discernment. Some emotions can be acted out in the privacy of your own home — they’re just for you.

I’m often asked, “How do I recognize my shadow?” These suppressed parts live in our unconscious; hence, they’re called shadows and are not that easy to identify. So, here are a few ways:

• Whenever you feel triggered and then try to talk yourself out of it, you’re working with a shadow part. Some examples include: I should be happy, I should be grateful, I should be less anxious, or I should be more confident. There is a part of you that is unhappy, not grateful, anxious, and uncertain. Get to know that part.

• When you find yourself getting into the same unfulfilling situations lamenting, “Why does this keep happening to me?” — there’s a shadow part that enjoys it. Consider: What part of me is getting something out of this shit show?

• When you find yourself judging others, get curious. You’re often reacting to a part of yourself that you haven’t yet accepted.

Let’s look at some examples of amplifying the shadow.

You find yourself envious of your sister's relationship with her husband while you’ve been struggling even to find someone to date.

Rather than bite your tongue and search for a crack in her relationship to make yourself feel better, create some melodrama. Perhaps you act out:

“I will never be as lovable as Jennifer. She always gets everything she wants, and she’s taken the very last available man, leaving me with no one at all!”

You are she who will forever be alone due to your greedy and wanton sister.

Or you find yourself judging a friend who doesn’t take as good care of herself as you believe she should. Before you fall off your high horse, play the villain.

“Look at Michelle. She just lounges around all day, watching TV and eating bonbons. When was the last time she got to the gym? She will never be as healthy and industrious as me!”

In this example, I’m visualizing an evil witchy cackle at the end, “ha ha ha ha.”

You are she that is so healthy and productive that no other sentient being could ever compete.

Now, you might think this is mean and that you would never say that about someone! But my friend, you already are. You’re just not saying it out loud.

Bring it to consciousness so it doesn’t fester and ooze out insidiously. Of course, you might act this out in the privacy of your own home so you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. This work is about alchemizing your emotions so they don’t hold such a grip, not getting others to change. That’s not your responsibility.

Yesterday, I noticed that my daughter had taken my giant bottle of magnesium pills for her one-night stay with her dad. In my head, I was thinking about how inconsiderate she was. Why wouldn’t she have just taken one before she left? Or brought a few pills in another container? Who would do such a thing?

I am she whose daily elimination has been thwarted by her traitorous daughter.

When she came home, the theater began. “How could you take my bottle of magnesium pills? You are so inconsiderate! I will never forgive you.” And we both started laughing. The spell of righteousness has been broken.

And we don’t have to stop with the dialog and tone of voice. We can use clothing, body motions, props, and really anything.

So, when my partner comes home today, perhaps I’ll wear all black as a woman in mourning. Or maybe I’ll be wearing sexy lingerie and kneeling on his bed, pleading, “Take me now and fill me up so I don’t feel so incomplete and alone!”

I haven’t decided yet, probably the latter.

But I know either choice will be much better than me pouting on the couch and expecting him to guess what I feel. I’ve tried this before. It doesn’t work and leaves both of us frustrated.

Carl Jung has said the unconscious and the spiritual realm are one and the same. We can think of these shadow parts of ourselves as gods and goddesses in their own right.

Aphrodite was manipulative and vain. Dionysus was prone to excess. And Athena was petty. After all, she turned Medusa into a horrifying Gorgon for having sex with Poseidon in one of her temples!

Our shadow parts are scary, but they are also our power. When we liberate them, we set them free and get full access to their capabilities. So we’re not just manipulative and vain but lovers of beauty. We’re not prone to binge drinking but can enjoy fine food and wine. We’re not petty and vindictive but can use our discernment.

The world of gods and spirits is truly nothing but the collective unconscious inside of me. ~ Carl Jung

When we liberate our shadow, we are taking full accountability for our experience and not depending on others to guess what we need to feel better. We’re also losing the charge and the seriousness that we sometimes feel when we wallow in our own stories.

We all have a story we like to tell—a plot we want to share. Rather than make it subtle or insidious, let’s make it a Grammy-winning performance.

When you honor and regal your emotions — all of them, you’ll invoke the gods and goddess within to become the main character of your life.

So, tell me, which shadow parts will you bring to life today?

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