5 Ways to Become a Romantasy Heroine IRL

Reclaim your strength, your desire, and your mythic presence.

I’m obsessed with Romantasy novels — modern myths dressed in dragons, daggers, and toe-curling bedroom scenes. But what keeps me coming back isn’t just the plot twists or the brooding male leads (though, let’s be honest — they definitely help). It’s the heroines.

These main female characters (MFCs) inspire us to reconnect with dormant aspects of our psyche. They help us access the courage, creativity, sensuality, and sovereignty that may have become inactive but are still very much alive and ready to rise. Yes, the main male characters (MMCs) are pretty awe-inspiring too, but it’s the modern heroine’s journey that captivates me most.

Before we discuss how to become a Romantic Heroine IRL, let’s reframe the notion of self-help and self-improvement. Both terms imply that something is broken—that your Self needs fixing. This is not only untrue but also unhelpful and misleading.

From a Jungian perspective, the Self is both the psyche's center and circumference. It is the totality of who you are.

Problems arise when you identify with only a tiny slice of that circle — the ego. That’s who you believe yourself to be and how you present yourself to the world. It’s the part of you with a name, title, and social role. There’s nothing wrong with the ego or even the personas we craft (mother, wife, manager, daughter); we need them to survive. But there is so much more to you than that.

It’s like believing you’re just one slice of pie… when really, you’re the whole damn pie.

So, rather than endlessly analyzing a small slice, let’s go on a journey, a quest to explore what else exists. Let’s meet the qualities, characters, and powers waiting to emerge.

The antidote to our struggles often lives just beyond the ego’s edge, in the archetypes and energies you have yet to access.

Unlike traditional self-help books, Romantasy doesn’t tell you what you “should” do; rather, it invites you to imagine a new way of navigating your challenges.

• Self-help points to what’s wrong with you; Romantasy reveals what’s possible within you.

• Self-help instructs; Romantasy initiates.

• Self-help gives tools; Romantasy offers transformation.

Romantasy inspires you to become an active participant, the heroine, of the divine drama of your life.

Which brings us to Romantasy heroines…

You might assume you have nothing in common with these sharp-tongued, dragon-riding, magic-wielding women — but that’s not true.

They aren’t just fantasy. They are archetypes — universal energies and patterns of behavior that exist within the collective unconscious. This means you already have access to them. You just haven’t met them yet.

As Jung wrote, “The world of gods and spirits is truly nothing but the collective unconscious within me.” — And they’re within you too!

So what does it actually mean to become a Romantasy Heroine IRL — amidst the everyday work, chores, and busyness we all face?

It means you take radical responsibility for your life and don’t sit around waiting for things to get better. Instead, you create your reality moment by moment (just like magic, right?).

The Romantasy Heroine often contains the archetypal qualities of the Warrior, Lover, Sage, Dark Queen, and High Lady. Here are five archetypal activations to help you summon your power here in this earthly, mortal realm.

Train Like the Warrior

Romantasy heroines are fierce. Yes, some are born with magic — but they train. Feyre and Nesta spend hours honing their skills (ACOTAR). Violet Sorrengail, despite her physical weakness, trains endlessly at Basgiath (The Empryean Series). Even Aelin, assassin that she is, didn’t get her power without practice (Throne of Glass).

Are you tending to your physical strength? Can you defend yourself? Are you grounded in your body?

When we feel strong and powerful in our bodies, we also become emotionally and mentally resilient.

Action Item: Move your body every day. Take up martial arts. Lift weights. Challenge yourself.

Seduce Like the Lover

Romantasy heroines don’t repress their desire — they channel it. Their sex lives? Steamy. Enviable. Delicious. But it’s more than that. They are deeply connected to their own Eros — their life force, pleasure, and magnetism.

Do you know what turns you on, in and out of the bedroom? Are you willing to prioritize your pleasure?

Action Item: Indulge in something sensual today that delights your body. Slow down and experience the world through your senses—taste, touch, smell, sound, and sight.

Study Like the Sage

Feyre learns to read. Violet trains as a scribe. Aelin studies wyrdmarks. Knowledge isn’t optional for Romantasy heroines — it’s power.

What are you curious about? What calls to your intellect, your wonder, your wild ideas?

Action Item: Take your curiosity seriously. Start learning something you’ve always been drawn to. Stop seeking “experts,” and instead become the authority.

Confront Your Dark Queen

Every Romantasy heroine must face her shadow — the part of herself that is angry, ruthless, or wild. Feyre must confront Amarantha. Aelin must outsmart Maeve. Violet must destroy Theophanie.

These shadow figures aren’t just villains — they’re mirrors. They show us the qualities we’ve denied in ourselves, like our authority, disagreeableness, ruthlessness, and rage.

Action Item: Practice saying “no” without apology. You don’t need a lengthy explanation to explain why something isn’t a fit or won’t work. “Thanks, that doesn’t work for me” is a complete sentence.

Rule Like the High Lady

Once the heroine has faced her trials, she can finally claim her throne and rule with sovereignty. Think of Feyre becoming the High Lady of the Night Court. Rhysand said it best: “You are no one’s subject.”

Where are you still outsourcing your power? What would change if you took radical responsibility for your life?

Action Item: Look at your environment. Your home, your wardrobe, your rituals. Does your realm reflect your inner Queen? If not — change it.

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You’re not a character in someone else’s story—you’re the author of your own story. So, just like you were sitting down to write a book and seeking to develop the MFC, take some time to imagine. If you were a Romance Heroine…

• How would you show up?

• What would you do?

• What would you say?

• What would you wear?

In a world where someone else always claims to know a “better” way, the most radical act of rebellion is to reclaim your own story. You don’t need a 12-step plan. You need a sword, a lover, and a dragon.

Your life isn’t a problem to solve. It’s a myth to live.

Let me know in the comments which step you’ll work on today.

With love, light, and a little bit of darkness,

Lisa xx